10 Reasons I’m STILL Married to my Wife
So I thought about my last blog and how many comments I got on it and realized that I didn’t tell the whole story. That blog was simply a way for me to tell you guys what I saw that made me fall in love with Cortni. Then it occurred to me that I was talking about 11 years ago…. What about the 11 years that have passed since. The miracle isn’t that we found each other, or that we got married… the miracle is that we’ve made it last as long as we have… and that we’re only getting stronger. That doesn’t mean that it’s not hard sometimes though. So I figured the best thing that I could do would be to lay out some simple tips from a man’s perspective that have helped keep our relationship strong… these are going to be VERY straight forward so if you want the truth… here it comes.
1) I TELL EVERYONE ABOUT HER:
Anyone who has any kind of conversation with me knows I’m married immediately. Why, because they need to know…. Not only that, but when I talk about my wife, I concentrate on her awesome characteristics. Not the negative. The more I speak my love for her, the more I feel my love for her.
2) I TELL HER EVERYTHING:
If you have a conversation with me about anything (other than guy stuff of course) I tell my wife about it. She is very rarely in the dark about anything that I am doing in my life. Any major decision is a decision that we make together. I value her opinion above anyone else’s.
3) SHE COMES BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE:
If you are my friend go ahead and get used to me caring more about her and her needs than you. I make sure that I put her before anyone else in my life INCLUDING my family. My mom doesn’t take precedence… CORTNI does. My Dad doesn’t take precedence…. Again Cortni does. If it doesn’t fit into our lives according to that priority then it doesn’t happen. Finally… I stand by my wife PERIOD. If you think for a second that anyone in my life would poke fun at her you’re dead wrong. They know she is my world and no one would dare do it.
4) WE DON’T DO DRAMA:
If you are a person who brings drama everywhere you go, you probably won’t be visiting our home a lot. It’s not that we don’t care…. We really do…. But in our lives we have found that drama perpetuates more drama. So we don’t allow people to have influence in our lives if all they ever do is cause/create drama. We serve those who are hard to love, and we go out of our way to lift those who are on their knees… but we don’t allow dramatic people to have influence, because we don’t want our children growing up in that environment, and we don’t want our marriage to fall into chaos as well.
5) WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER:
That’s right… we do date nights…. We actually work out together in the same crossfit gym. We spend time dreaming about what our lives will look like in the next 10 years. We pray over our children every night and we talk about GOD in our home a lot. We watch and learn from other couples who’ve been married longer than us… our best example is Cortni’s parents…. WOW. Amazing. They read the bible cover to cover together every year. How?? They get up early and read together every morning before work. UNBELIEVABLE!!
6) WE APOLOGIZE:
We don’t let words go unsaid. When something is wrong we fess up… apologize and move on. We forget the mistakes that we’ve made when the conversation is over and get on with life. How could somebody be so arrogant as to KNOW they were wrong and still not apologize to their spouse? That person will be referred to as the “arrogant jerk I used to be married to” sooner than they know. You have to be willing to admit your failures in a marriage or your spouse will lose all respect for you and check out.
7) WE TURN OFF THE COMPUTER:
And all the CRAP that’s on it. If you think the bad stuff that you are staring at on your computer is ok… YOU’RE WRONG. Nothing could do your marriage more damage than looking at things you shouldn’t be looking at on your computer. I am a pastor and I’ve seen the horrible damage that stuff does. TO ALL MEN… you need accountability on your computer. . Which is why I use Covenant Eyes on mine. I have an accountability partner who calls anything weird into account… and you should to. It’s the same program that’s on Mark Hall from Casting Crowns computer and it’s awesome. DO IT NOW. BTW… install it on all of your home computers because it’s important to be aware of what your children are viewing as well. If you care at all, you will do it.
8) WE DON’T FLIRT (with other people):
That’s right, I said it… I don’t flirt. It seems kind of obvious, but this is a cardinal sin of a lot of relationships. You seek attention from the opposite sex and you get it… right? That’s what you wanted. I hear people say things like “aw, it’s innocent”, but that’s just stupid. Anything that leads you away from your spouse is not innocent. Stop the ridiculous behavior before you find yourself making a HUGE mistake. It’s like a venus fly trap… don’t go near it… don’t play games… is your marriage really worth the 5 minutes of feeling like a child again with some other person? NO it’s not… STOP IT. Additionally: When I walk through the mall with my wife I intentionally ignore all other women. Why?? She is the center of my world… and nothing could be more detrimental to her love for you than knowing that you’re staring at all the other women around you and not paying attention to her. I want Cortni to know and believe that she is the most beautiful woman in the place everywhere we go, that builds her confidence and self worth… and a woman with those characteristics doesn’t go looking for those things in someone else are when you’re gone.
9) WE DON’T HANG OUT ALONE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
I do not allow myself to be alone with the opposite sex for any reason. If I am doing a vocal lesson with someone on the praise team, the door is always open. “I’m a grown man” you say…”That’s childish”… you say. Maybe so, but I won’t be the person acting like a teenager and blowing up his marriage like 60% of the grown adults in America are doing every year. So you tell me, who’s more childish? If you know there’s a chance that the bus coming at you might hit you, do you : A) Stay there and see or B) Get out of the road? That’s what I thought
10) WE VALUE THE PERSON:
I spend most of my time trying to make sure that people feel valuable, not attractive… no, but important and valuable. There is a line there. When people come through the autograph line at a Building429 show I want them to know that I am sincerely thankful for their support, but I never cross the line and start talking about the way they look. If a guy is constantly telling my wife how good she is looking.. complimenting clothes choices or hairstyle… he’d better be a stylist or we’re going to have problems… because that is his attempt at doing what I should be doing,(ie replacing me) which is building her self confidence and self worth. Not cool for me to do either and therefore I stay away from it.
OK, ok… Am I saying that you can’t interact with people of the opposite sex… of course not. I’m just saying that everyone who reads this blog knows good and well when they are dealing with a dangerous situation. So it’s up to you to be man or woman enough to recognize the danger and stay away from those situations. Don’t even let yourself in the room if there is temptation inside. Don’t allow yourself to be tempted if you don’t have to, because we will mess up. We’re human…. So don’t even go down the path.
The truth is that my marriage is awesome, and as any guy who’s been married for any amount of time will tell you… I still don’t have her figured out yet… which makes it fun (and frustrating sometimes haha). The reality is that if you take care of your marriage and if you sow into it… it will become it’s own reward. The reward of being married to Cortni is that I’m the lucky guy who get’s to live his life in such close proximity to her awesomeness. The more I think about that, the more I am thankful for what we have. The more I guard it, and the more it grows! These are just a few thoughts that have helped Cortni and I have the successful relationship that we do to this point. If I were to stop doing these things tomorrow I promise our marriage would suffer and possibly fail. So these notes are for me as well. Hang in there, keep loving with the love of Christ and may we all have marriages that last until death do us part!!
What a lesson! I’m not married, but it really makes me think of what marriage is about. Keep it up, brother in Christ! May God keep blessing you and your household through your commitment to Him and to your family.
Greetings from Brazil^^
i wanna thank you jason for writing this blog. im only 16, and dream of that women when i get married. im excited and i cant wait. I thank you for teaching me these things. You really are a role model in my life. I thank you. i thank you for making music that has so much meaning in my life. I really liked your last blog as well. Keep writing. Im def gonna keep reading and commenting. I Love reading these. They make my day. Whats your next blog gonna be about? CANT WAIT! i really do enjoy these. I pray for your ministry. i really just thank you once more 🙂 keep rocking, teaching, and leading.
TG ~ b429fan
AMEN! Wow! There are a lot of people who could learn a lot from this. I know I did. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, but I think really far ahead when it comes to this subject. While I was reading this I remembered what a real man of God looks like. He’s no fake, not a cheater, none of that!
I want to see this kind of diligent commitment in my future husband, and I know God will bring me just that. Right now… there’s no need to think about it too much.
But it’s true: when God is placed at the very center and core of a marriage, He will hold it together and make it stronger… in sickness and in health.
Great message right here. God bless both of you!
Another mind opening awesome post! You never seice to amaze me with your posts. Each one just gets better and better. 🙂 I read this one last night, but was too tired to comment. I woke up this morning still thinking about the 10 points you shared. I went ahead a read it again to refresh my memory. I think it’s even more eye opening the 2nd time around! There are so many times that marriages fall short because of just about every reason you shared. In one way or another something is missing, whether it’s the lack of love and I mean love as in truly loving and cherishing our spouses, not just the “love” in the bedroom. Or the lack of communication between each other…AND the big one…temptation. In the world we live in there is temptation everywhere and we MUST stay far far away from it. Like you said, don’t even let yourself go down that path. Its NEVER innocent, NEVER! We must protect ourselves and marriages from the evils of temptation.
Kudos to you for being able to be honest with your feelings and for being an encouragement to your readers. I love the fact that you lay it all out there and then still say that this is not just for us(the readers) but for you too! To keep you in check as well! Cortni is a blessed woman to have such a in tune husband that loves, honors and cherishes her. So many women would love to have just a tiny part of that. I, again thank you for sharing this and for giving me tips on how to continue to help my marriage grow stronger. Marriage is not something that takes care if itself, it takes work and commitment. It’s til death do us part…NOT til we can’t stand each other anymore! Be blessed my friend!
Jason after practicing these priniciples for almost 30 years with the love of my life,(Rick), we are proof they work…
That’s awesome… Not yet married, but i find this blog really amazing and helpful.. Keep up and Godbless always..
I can see by the responses thus far that you have definitely captured the attention of youth out there on this topic and it is absolutely a topic of great interest and concern for them! This blog along with the last one is providing a great exploration/discussion of marriage/relationships for youth! They can easily be developed into a 16 week exploration of marriage/relationships by taking one topic each week!! It will be interesting to see how youth respond and to hear their thoughts on your reasons for choosing to marry your wife and on why you are still happily married to her!! It is also interesting to see how the 6 characteristics you discussed in your last blog come into play with the 10 reasons you have listed as to why you are both still happily married! I am really excited about this and feel you have addressed a very relevant topic, not only for youth, but also for those who are already married or in committed relationships!!
Blessings and gratitude
Dear Jason….Please tell my husband that an afternoon of yard work does not constitute “date night”. LOL! Seriously, My husband and I went to a wedding reception and the happy couple asked that each person that was married write down their secret to a happy marriage and place it in a basket for them. Without the other knowing, my husband and I both wrote “a sense of humor”. It goes a very long way in life. We are on our 23rd year! Happy anniversary to you and Cortni and happy birthday as well!
Thank you so much for this blog! We have been attacked for #3 and #4 by BOTH non-believers and Christians. I’ve been married to my wife for six years and I’ve learned so much about God’s definition of Marriage and I’ve came to a realization on how little Christians know about Biblically defined marriage! I posted this blog on my facebook in hope to wake up some Christians and hopefully show non-believers Biblical perspective on marriage. Thank you thank you!
Wow, this was a great post to refresh in me why I need to remain faithful to my spouse! Thanks for being truthful and honest with your readers : )
Coming from a broken home, I was glad to read your thoughts, on #4 ‘We don’t do drama’. I am struggling with how to set boundaries, with people in my life, who have a lot of that going on. I sense, in my heart, that I don’t want my kids to be exposed to too much of that…had enough in my own life, you know : )
Love the music and the message–can hardly wait til the new album comes out–woo, hoo!