10 Reasons I’m STILL Married to my Wife
So I thought about my last blog and how many comments I got on it and realized that I didn’t tell the whole story. That blog was simply a way for me to tell you guys what I saw that made me fall in love with Cortni. Then it occurred to me that I was talking about 11 years ago…. What about the 11 years that have passed since. The miracle isn’t that we found each other, or that we got married… the miracle is that we’ve made it last as long as we have… and that we’re only getting stronger. That doesn’t mean that it’s not hard sometimes though. So I figured the best thing that I could do would be to lay out some simple tips from a man’s perspective that have helped keep our relationship strong… these are going to be VERY straight forward so if you want the truth… here it comes.
1) I TELL EVERYONE ABOUT HER:
Anyone who has any kind of conversation with me knows I’m married immediately. Why, because they need to know…. Not only that, but when I talk about my wife, I concentrate on her awesome characteristics. Not the negative. The more I speak my love for her, the more I feel my love for her.
2) I TELL HER EVERYTHING:
If you have a conversation with me about anything (other than guy stuff of course) I tell my wife about it. She is very rarely in the dark about anything that I am doing in my life. Any major decision is a decision that we make together. I value her opinion above anyone else’s.
3) SHE COMES BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE:
If you are my friend go ahead and get used to me caring more about her and her needs than you. I make sure that I put her before anyone else in my life INCLUDING my family. My mom doesn’t take precedence… CORTNI does. My Dad doesn’t take precedence…. Again Cortni does. If it doesn’t fit into our lives according to that priority then it doesn’t happen. Finally… I stand by my wife PERIOD. If you think for a second that anyone in my life would poke fun at her you’re dead wrong. They know she is my world and no one would dare do it.
4) WE DON’T DO DRAMA:
If you are a person who brings drama everywhere you go, you probably won’t be visiting our home a lot. It’s not that we don’t care…. We really do…. But in our lives we have found that drama perpetuates more drama. So we don’t allow people to have influence in our lives if all they ever do is cause/create drama. We serve those who are hard to love, and we go out of our way to lift those who are on their knees… but we don’t allow dramatic people to have influence, because we don’t want our children growing up in that environment, and we don’t want our marriage to fall into chaos as well.
5) WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER:
That’s right… we do date nights…. We actually work out together in the same crossfit gym. We spend time dreaming about what our lives will look like in the next 10 years. We pray over our children every night and we talk about GOD in our home a lot. We watch and learn from other couples who’ve been married longer than us… our best example is Cortni’s parents…. WOW. Amazing. They read the bible cover to cover together every year. How?? They get up early and read together every morning before work. UNBELIEVABLE!!
6) WE APOLOGIZE:
We don’t let words go unsaid. When something is wrong we fess up… apologize and move on. We forget the mistakes that we’ve made when the conversation is over and get on with life. How could somebody be so arrogant as to KNOW they were wrong and still not apologize to their spouse? That person will be referred to as the “arrogant jerk I used to be married to” sooner than they know. You have to be willing to admit your failures in a marriage or your spouse will lose all respect for you and check out.
7) WE TURN OFF THE COMPUTER:
And all the CRAP that’s on it. If you think the bad stuff that you are staring at on your computer is ok… YOU’RE WRONG. Nothing could do your marriage more damage than looking at things you shouldn’t be looking at on your computer. I am a pastor and I’ve seen the horrible damage that stuff does. TO ALL MEN… you need accountability on your computer. . Which is why I use Covenant Eyes on mine. I have an accountability partner who calls anything weird into account… and you should to. It’s the same program that’s on Mark Hall from Casting Crowns computer and it’s awesome. DO IT NOW. BTW… install it on all of your home computers because it’s important to be aware of what your children are viewing as well. If you care at all, you will do it.
8) WE DON’T FLIRT (with other people):
That’s right, I said it… I don’t flirt. It seems kind of obvious, but this is a cardinal sin of a lot of relationships. You seek attention from the opposite sex and you get it… right? That’s what you wanted. I hear people say things like “aw, it’s innocent”, but that’s just stupid. Anything that leads you away from your spouse is not innocent. Stop the ridiculous behavior before you find yourself making a HUGE mistake. It’s like a venus fly trap… don’t go near it… don’t play games… is your marriage really worth the 5 minutes of feeling like a child again with some other person? NO it’s not… STOP IT. Additionally: When I walk through the mall with my wife I intentionally ignore all other women. Why?? She is the center of my world… and nothing could be more detrimental to her love for you than knowing that you’re staring at all the other women around you and not paying attention to her. I want Cortni to know and believe that she is the most beautiful woman in the place everywhere we go, that builds her confidence and self worth… and a woman with those characteristics doesn’t go looking for those things in someone else are when you’re gone.
9) WE DON’T HANG OUT ALONE WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
I do not allow myself to be alone with the opposite sex for any reason. If I am doing a vocal lesson with someone on the praise team, the door is always open. “I’m a grown man” you say…”That’s childish”… you say. Maybe so, but I won’t be the person acting like a teenager and blowing up his marriage like 60% of the grown adults in America are doing every year. So you tell me, who’s more childish? If you know there’s a chance that the bus coming at you might hit you, do you : A) Stay there and see or B) Get out of the road? That’s what I thought
10) WE VALUE THE PERSON:
I spend most of my time trying to make sure that people feel valuable, not attractive… no, but important and valuable. There is a line there. When people come through the autograph line at a Building429 show I want them to know that I am sincerely thankful for their support, but I never cross the line and start talking about the way they look. If a guy is constantly telling my wife how good she is looking.. complimenting clothes choices or hairstyle… he’d better be a stylist or we’re going to have problems… because that is his attempt at doing what I should be doing,(ie replacing me) which is building her self confidence and self worth. Not cool for me to do either and therefore I stay away from it.
OK, ok… Am I saying that you can’t interact with people of the opposite sex… of course not. I’m just saying that everyone who reads this blog knows good and well when they are dealing with a dangerous situation. So it’s up to you to be man or woman enough to recognize the danger and stay away from those situations. Don’t even let yourself in the room if there is temptation inside. Don’t allow yourself to be tempted if you don’t have to, because we will mess up. We’re human…. So don’t even go down the path.
The truth is that my marriage is awesome, and as any guy who’s been married for any amount of time will tell you… I still don’t have her figured out yet… which makes it fun (and frustrating sometimes haha). The reality is that if you take care of your marriage and if you sow into it… it will become it’s own reward. The reward of being married to Cortni is that I’m the lucky guy who get’s to live his life in such close proximity to her awesomeness. The more I think about that, the more I am thankful for what we have. The more I guard it, and the more it grows! These are just a few thoughts that have helped Cortni and I have the successful relationship that we do to this point. If I were to stop doing these things tomorrow I promise our marriage would suffer and possibly fail. So these notes are for me as well. Hang in there, keep loving with the love of Christ and may we all have marriages that last until death do us part!!