by Jason | Jul 20, 2012 | Character Building
RESPECT and RESOLUTION
When we don’t see eye to eye with someone it’s always hard. Especially when that someone happens to have the power to make your life harder. Think about it… what about those moments when there is a hard to love person in your church who decides to be a bit of a punk and challenge you over something that is not a big deal, but that needs to change. What about when your spouse just doesn’t agree with you over an issue, or a co worker, or just someone who holds a position of influence in another company that you just have to work with to get something accomplished. This is an every day scenario in our lives, but how we approach it is what really matters the most.
The ability to converse through extreme conflict and still maintain a respectful attitude constitutes GREAT COMMUNICATION.
If you roll over every time a point of conflict comes you will ultimately lose the respect of those around you and those who you are having conflict with, and the pattern will continue until you’re “run out of town” or you will eventually “blow up” because of the frustration and you will be in “early retirement”
Passive aggressive NEVER works… EVER. Passive aggressive is STUPID and unfair to yourself and the party that you are conversing with… why??? Because it’s a lie. You end up lying on either side… at first it’s not a big deal (not true) so the opposite party believes that a resolution is forthcoming, and then when you’ve switched gears everything becomes a big deal (not true again) and that is when you lose all of the respect of the people you are walking through conflict with. Passive aggressives tend to hold it all in, saving up all the little details in the back of their mind so that when the time comes they’ll be able to pull out all the details to win the argument…. But wait a minute…. It never was an argument… it was a conflict and you just turned it into an argument, which, in the end, makes you look foolish to everyone involved. It also wastes a TON of time and proves that you can’t handle high pressure situations. So guess who doesn’t get invited to the high pressure negotiations next time??? Guess who isn’t picked to be a part of the lead teams for your particular organization?? Passive aggressive behavior breeds frustration, which unchecked leads to bitterness, which ultimately ends all relationships.
The only way to LEAD is through open and honest conflict. You have to take emotion out of the conversation and stick to your original goal which was: To gain a resolution. You may win an argument and maybe you eke out a “resolution” when you turn a conflict into an argument, but generally speaking, you will lose the future of the relationship because you will lose respect. Not to mention the fact that most of the time in a conflict you will have to NEGOTIATE. You will find that there was something that you did that caused frustration too… if you’re emotional you will deny your part of the problem and you’ll get no where fast.
I can’t tell you how many times I have had to go into a room and “call them out” for the way that a certain organization handled a situation. For me it is often when I have to deal with stage managers, or promoters who have treated my crew like junk. I NEVER let that go without having a private meeting with the parties involved and respectfully calling them out. Why?? Because if the behavior was inappropriate then they should be held accountable, and maybe they didn’t even realize how badly they were treating people… Maybe they did, but no one had the guts to say… “that’s not very Christlike”. But if I walk into those meetings like a raving lunatic, Building429 will NEVER be invited back to play the events that our fans attend. So every one of these conversations have to be handled extremely delicately. So the 2 things in my head when I walk into a meeting that I know is based on a conflict are…. RESPECT and RESOLUTION. It’s never about Payback, or them Getting what they deserve… because to get spiritual for a minute WE ALL DESERVE THE CROSS equally right?? The truth is, that you earn more respect than you could ever imagine when you respectfully challenge those who need to be challenged. I have never walked out of one of my challenging meetings without someone saying, “I really appreciate the way you handled this and it speaks volumes to your character” BOOM that’s what we want, resolution and respect… why, because the next time conflict comes… they will already know to respect me.. and it will get handled way faster. In fact they will even call out people on their teams that are not in line, because they know who I am and what I stand for…. That’s what we want right?
Respect is what makes the world go round… don’t believe me??? Tell me the top 5 people that you want to work with…. They are ALL PEOPLE you respect… and people who give you the respect you deserve as well. Chances are, they might have even had to have one of those respectfully challenging meetings with you already and you were so thankful for the way they handled you. So let me challenge you with this last statement that I think is a reminder to us all:
You earn an audience with a person when you are respectful, you lose it when you’re not… Food for thought for those who desire influence.
Blessings,
JRoy
by Jason | Jul 5, 2012 | Character Building
CALCULATED SACRIFICE
In this life you have to WORK. Nobody gives you anything in this life. Today more than ever as I am entering the “mid thirties” I am constantly challenged by the young generation coming up. I have suddenly been put in the position of “mentor” and I feel the weight of that responsibility on a daily basis. On one hand I have privileged position of leading Building429…. and all of it’s followers. Many a late night conversation amongst Aaron, Jesse, Mike and I, has turned to what we should be telling all of the younger musicians who have great dreams and aspirations and are looking to us for encouragement. One the other hand I have Grace Community Church, and many a conversation has been batted around by Dustin, John Mark, and I (the staff leaders of the worship department) about the exact same subject. While sitting at Starbucks in a planning meeting the other day Dustin and I were talk about a particular young person who is struggling… and I said “I just hope that they understand that achieving dreams isn’t just about working hard, but it’s about SACRIFICE as well.” Dustin shrugged off a smile and said, “Any fool can work hard, but chasing down a dream is about sacrifice“. I thought, dang that’s pretty profound…. but to take it further, it’s about calculated sacrifice.
Think about it, hard work is the GIVEN. That’s gonna happen whether it’s hard work doing something you like, or something that you hate… especially if you plan on providing for your family in a Godly manner. The path that leads to your dream job is very similar in terms of the work you have to put in, what’s different is what you’ll have to give up to make it happen.
Think about it…. you want a career in music, but as I’ve stated before a career in music takes 10 years to solidify. At 25 while you’re struggling to pay your bills with your fledgling career in your dream field you decided it’s time to get married, buy a house, a couple of cars and start having kids…. well you didn’t sacrifice anything… you have it all now… and you have to PAY FOR IT ALL NOW, therefore God is going to have to replace your dream with a dream of His own for you. One that includes a normal job with security for your family.
If you were really sold out to a career in whatever field that you love…. you would’ve made a calculated sacrifice to continue the pursuit right? Maybe you would’ve passed on the house? Or tried being a little more focussed on planning your families growth? Maybe you wouldn’t have bought that awesome car? That’s sacrifice.
Let me clarify… sacrifice is NEVER MAKING YOUR FAMILY SUFFER. I also find it hard to ever say that you should sacrifice any relationship on the alter of selfish pursuits. No, sacrifice is delaying self gratification for a greater goal. Too many people think that as soon as they walk across the stage and get a college degree they should be handed a 100K job, but that is an unreal expectation. Half of the problem with our countries current fiscal crisis is the fact that so many people go out at 30 and buy on credit what their parents bought on cash from hard work and sacrifice at 50. Many a mid-life crisis is based on this very principal… they never sacrificed and so suddenly at 45 they are filled with regret that they didn’t chase their dreams and that they settled for corporate work…. they go bonkers trying to relive a childish dream that has long since passed them by. If you have a wife, and kids the dream that you should be chasing now is THEM!
Aaron came on the bus after a show recently and told me about a conversation that he had with a worship pastor and this conversation illustrates my point. The worship pastor came to him and said “Hey man, how does that whole traveling on the road with a family thing work for you… I’ve been thinking about trying to do that” Aaron’s response was PERFECT. He said:”Don’t do it man…. All you see is the big bus, the big show, the fans and the fun. What you don’t see is the 10 years of incredibly hard work and SACRIFICES we had to make to be here. We made this happen when we were younger and single. Our wives met us and loved who we were and accepted that this lifestyle was what we were called to before we were ever married. We didn’t have children until our career solidified and we could actually afford to take care of them. Most of us drove 1 car for the first 5-6 years of our marriage while we lived in tiny apartments and struggled to pay the bills. God has been good to us and He’s honored the sacrifices by allowing us now to afford a bus, and houses and families, but that was never a guarantee for us.” I thought GOOD FOR YOU AARON!!!! I was so proud, because he could’ve given that guy the “anybody can do it” talk, but so many “anybody can do it’s” end up as a “I wish I wouldn’t have done that” divorce and brokeness stories. Why? Because the sacrifice was made on the back of a family that wasn’t constructed to handle that stress from the beginning. Some people would be frustrated with Aaron and his response and say that he is a “DREAM KILLER”…. I say Aaron was a “DREAM SAVER”, because again, the family is truly THE DREAM .
Amazing isn’t it that Building429 used to be the DREAM for Aaron, Mike, Jesse, and I… and now the dream we are chasing is the life that we desire with our families. You look at us and say we are living the dream for a completely different reason than we do. We live the dream because we are able to provide for, love and care for amazing wives and children…. just like you should be doing…. the only difference is in the calculated sacrifices we made along the way to be able to do something we love that provides for the ones we love!
So in the choose your own adventure of your life: If you want to have all the toys now, give up the thoughts of the dream career and go straight to work at the nearest cubicle. If you want to have the dream career give up all the toys and keep sacrificing until you make it happen. Hard work is the given in either scenario. But to all the dreamers out there here is the big question: What Calculated Sacrifices are you willing to make??
by Jason | Jun 24, 2012 | Character Building
HUMBLED Vs. HUMILIATED
Humility is something that we all need more of…. and the one thing that we all fear the most is being humiliated right? These are the worst moments in our lives… they can scar us forever… they hurt, we wonder why, and ultimately they do change us for better or for worse. What you learn from these moment truly does depend on your ability to think outside of yourself and realize that even in the midst of the moment you are a child of God and He loves just as much in the middle of humiliation as he ever did in your triumph. Think about it, Christ goes to a cross and is humbled for our sins…. do you think that God ever stopped loving His son… NO… he just knew he couldn’t intervene for the sake of humanity. In our cases, we’re not going to a cross for the sins of the world, but often times we need these moments to help reshape our character. Case and point:
Jfest.com is an awesome festival that Building429 has been blessed to play through the years… this year was an anticipated event for all of the guys in the band. We got there and the crowd was about 10,000 strong and we were all super amped about the show. We cranked off the first song and about halfway through it my laces on my boots got caught and I took one of the most ridiculous falls that I have ever had in my life. 10,000 people watched my hat fly one way, my sunglasses fly another, and my microphone almost fly off the stage… not to mention that all of my friends were side stage laughing out loud as well. (Kutless, Chris August). I’ve never been so sure that I looked like a complete idiot in my life. The next song we had to play had this major lyric “One foot in front of the the other” HAHAHAHA. I handled it well, and laughed it off, but I would be lying if I told you that it didn’t frustrate me a bit. I came off stage and sat in the trailer and tried to figure out what the heck just happened. That’s when it occurred to me that you learn from every humbling moment in your life. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
I can vividly remember falling in the lake at the state fair in Texas when I was a child and having to ride home soaking wet with moss all over me 2 hours back to our home town with everyone in the car laughing the whole way… guess what I don’t do any more??? I don’t try to jump across LAKES.
HUMBLED Vs. HUMILIATED
The truth is that whether you are humiliated or humbled is just a character issue for you. Think about it… to be humbled isn’t that big a deal right??? To be humiliated is a HUGE deal. They are the exact same thing, but different only because of the way you choose to view them. When you are the center of the world and it’s all about you a humbling moment tends to be HUMILIATING…. When God is the center of the world and your identity is in him, these moments are just HUMBLING. The challenge of being humbled is letting your character shine through in the midst of the mess. You will earn respect from those who are laughing based on your response to the moment. Or you will LOSE all respect and never regain it if you act like more of an idiot when you lose control and go on a rant because you feel humiliated. Half of life is learning to stop taking yourself so seriously…. freedom comes with that. I promise. Freedom came to my life when I was able to laugh at myself.
Humbling moments are good for you… they remind you how small you are. They check you when you get out of alignment with Gods will, and sometimes they just happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. If you’re not very mature you will throw a fit and everyone around you will say (under their breath) “They needed that”, and if you are mature and can handle it well everyone will say “Wow what an awesome way to handle that”. The choice is yours, but I’ve tried it both ways and I assure you that the latter is the only way gain respect whilst you’re at your lowest. So GET UP. Laugh at yourself… and remember that anytime that we are humbled is a moment that brings us closer to God.
Jroy
by Jason | Jun 9, 2012 | Worship
I had a young worship pastor stop me at a Building 429 show and ask me a very simple question. He said…. i know you don’t have a lot of time, but I’d love to hear your insight into worship and how you lead at your church. What is your best advice to a young worship leader. This is what I told him in a span of about 5 minutes before I had to be ushered to the bus to go to the next show.
INVESTMENT WITH TRUTH
Lock it in your head…. cause you’re a leader and that is what a large portion of team building is about...
Some would say excellence at any cost… I disagree…. because sometimes your pursuit of excellence costs you the ability to have a worship team/community. You know what I mean right. You have to have all A level players, so you have the same 5 players every Sunday and if any one of them ever bails on you, you’re in big trouble. Been there done that. Some churches remedy that by paying people, which works in some cases. I happen to lean away from that, and here’s why. The desire of any church is to be a place of refuge and development for tomorrow’s young artists. If you never allow younger and less experienced players to jump in, you eventually discourage them, or send them packing to another church. If, and I do mean if, a few of them eventually become great players on their own, they grow up with an entitlement complex. When they finally do get asked to play on the team, they want a paycheck right….. and let’s be honest it’s not fair to not pay them if they’ve worked their tail off to get to where they are and you’ve been paying the other big dogs the whole time. Not cool.
Others would say, and I’ve heard this one a ton too:”If someone has the desire to sing a song or play an instrument, then they should be given that opportunity”… or “We need to make sure that everyone feels welcome and is allowed to worship the Lord with their gift.” and “who are YOU to tell them that they can’t?” I always get a chuckle out of this one and say “Well…….I’m the worship pastor, in charge of protecting and leading the congregation to the throne of Jesus. That’s who I am and that’s why I’m saying NO!” The truth is that if these people want to worship the Lord with their gift, then they won’t have a problem doing an audition for the person that God has put in authority over worship for their church. Also, if their heart’s desire to worship Jesus, then whether they are on the stage or not doesn’t matter…. because it’s not about them right??
Often times in life you find that short term goals are at odds with the long term goals of any job or assignment you may be given. Long term you want your worshipping arts program to flourish. You want 50-60 people in the team so that you have a broad base of extremely talented servant hearted leaders that are available for any given Sunday. If that is what you desire then you WILL HAVE TO SUFFER a bit in the short term. The problem is that very few people have the ability to think long term. All they see is “THIS SUNDAY HAS TO BE GREAT”. I think that a bit of compromise here is where you end up winning.
This is how you do it:
You invest now…… in people who you see a gift. It may not be perfect yet, but you see something special in them….. then put them on your team with much stronger players. Here is the key though: You cannot just put them on your team without consistently challenging them. If they show up to rehearsals not knowing the songs, then you need to pull them aside and call them to account. If they show up on sunday and play a part wrong…. pull them and remind them that you expect more. Preparedness can take an below average player and make them part of an incredible team… and that’s your ACE of Spades.People on my teams know very well that I will STOP rehearsal on a dime and call them out if they don’t know what they’re doing…and that’s why they come ready to face the challenge. You can invest, if they understand that they better bring their A game every time they show up. However, without accountability, you will eventually fill your team with people who just aren’t cutting it. Worship will suffer and your church will fall into the abyss of lame worship, poorly played, with no heart. People in the congregation who constantly say things like: “I just love the heart of what they’re trying to do” and “they’re doing it for Jesus and that’s all that matters”…. and no one wants to go there. Suddenly the worship team that was meant to lead us the the throne, becomes the ANCHOR, robbing the congregation any chance of real worship. OUCH… we’ve all been to churches like that.
With a constant challenge coming from you, you will fill your team with people who are becoming great. Here’s my best way of helping you understand this:
People say that a true friend is someone who accepts you for you who are….. ( let me let out a sigh, as the sweetness of that rainbow colored statement melts my heart) now I’ll scream: NO THEY ARE NOT. A true friend knows who you could be in Christ and challenges your character constantly to become that person.
Likewise a great leader doesn’t accept your average effort. They know what you could be and drive you to be more than who you are.
This is the mentality that we have a Grace Community Church… we’re not perfect, far from it…. but we have grown our worship team from 10 to 60 in a matter of 2 years employing this strategy and on any given Sunday God is going to show up. Whether “Jason from Building429” is there or not doesn’t matter…. why??? Because I don’t sing every song, I let other singers sing. I don’t play every guitar part, I let other younger players do it. Because we saw a 16 year old drummer who could barely play on click challenged him…you wouldn’t believe how good that 18 year old is is now (wait till he’s 22). Because we saw a young acoustic player who had been playing for a year and thought… that guy is working HARD, let’s challenge him….. yeah he’s becoming one of our strongest electric guitar players. That has become a magnetic part of what we’re doing. Every week we have new people showing up who want to join the team. Every one gets auditioned, and some don’t make it. But when we see something special we pounce on it, because it’s not so much about today…. imagine what our worship program is going to look like in 5 years. When these kiddos are all fluent in the Nashville Numbers system, playing on click track in my studio every Thursday for rehearsal and every Sunday at Church. After they’ve been a part of recording several records. These guys are going to be KILLERS. They will be good enough to go on the road with any signed band, and it will all be because we were willing to suffer in the short term while challenging those who are weaker to become better than they were.
There it is:
INVESTMENT WITH TRUTH
by Jason | Jun 1, 2012 | Politically Incorrect
SO YOU WANT THE TRUTH
This is the main idea for my BLOG. To write all of my truest most honest opinions on different subjects. Starting with what I know best. Being a Husband, Father, Son, Leader, Follower, Musician, Artist, Worship leader, business owner, songwriter etc. and friend to all those in my life. You will hear opinions and realities here that you will never hear on the Building 429 pages, because these thought processes will be my own…. it’s hard to speak for the 3 other extremely wise men that I share most of my life with. In fact, in a lot of ways its unfair. Just because I have the gift of “gab” and they don’t, doesn’t mean that they alway agree with me on everything that I say and or do. Dustin York, and Brian Coleman at Grace Community Church are my dearest friends and they are my coworkers, but again, just because I have something to say doesn’t mean that it’s fair for them to have to agree on everything that I say and do. Therefore, I say again… this BLOG will be MY THOUGHTS, emotions, and beliefs on display. What is the purpose?? To inspire you. To help you to become a more direct person… and more confident person, one who isn’t afraid to dream even when those around you tell you that you shouldn’t. Yes in a lot of ways it will be about me, but it will also be about humanity at large and the ways that I think it could be better. You will be able to challenge me, but you will also hear my most direct and honest responses. Yeah, on this blog page if you choose to attack my opinions, I won’t be afraid to FIRE BACK. This will not be a politically correct situation as the Building429 Facebook/twitter/ always is.
So if you dare to look inside the mind of an self ascribed workaholic/ dreamer/ lover/ fighter/ leader/ follower/ award winning/ failure/ then this blog should really be quite a treat… and maybe, just maybe I can learn as much from you as you ever will from me.
Soooo…. You want the truth: Here it comes!
