From Hurt to Anger to Mercy to Freedom
Thoughts on Parents…. From Hurt to Anger to Mercy to Freedom
So I wrote this on an airplane from Manila to Detroit and after I re-read it I realize that there are about a billion sub categorical posts that could be written on the subject. I’m not sure where this fit’s in my blog… I just know that it’s something that I have dealt with in my life and I have a special perspective on. Please forgive me if it seems short, but the truth is … this could be a book easily. Here Goes:
We’ve all got them… some of us have the greatest parents in the world…. some of us have absentee parents, and some have parents that they just don’t like. It doesn’t matter which one of those subcategories you fit in, we’re all marked by our parents. Many of us use our parents decisions to justify our own. Many of us believe what we believe about the bible simply because I parents told us what to believe. Our families are under attack from every direction these days, and the one thing that I hear the most when the topic comes up is the state of the world today could largely be blamed on bad parenting in the formative years. I daresay you would have a hard time finding anyone who would dispute the fact that when one parent steps out of the house the future of that house comes into question very quickly. Today it seems that the Disney channel is raising most of the children in the US… and if you haven’t noticed the characters on the Disney channel all share similar characteristics.
1) they are all rock star/ divas in the making
2) they are all rich
3) they don’t really do anything to earn the money they spend
4) they are all smarter than their parents
5) Most are at least condescending to adults in general
6) The adults are all bumbling buffoons and idiots that merely provide comedic relief.
Does that sound like anyone you know under the age of 18? Hint: Go to your local high school or middle school and listen in the halls for 30 seconds when the bell rings.
Wow… how did I get on that rabbit trail??? I’m not sure but I need to get back on point..
Yes bad parenting is running rapid in the US… and the world at large… and yes a lot can be blamed on that… but there’s something else at play as well.
We get a choice on who we will be don’t we??
So your mom was a strung out druggie, and your dad was overly critical and crushed your dreams…. I’m so sorry you had to endure that… but YOU DON’T HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM! The bible says that you are to honor them and respect them… (which can be hard at times) but you are your own person. If you choose to let your parents define you then it’s largely YOUR FAULT when your life is characterized by similar chaos. Why?? Because you have a choice. You also have a built in moral compass that leads guides and directs you… for the believers reading this writing… you have the Holy spirit guiding you… but even for non believers, we do have a similar knowledge of wrong and right. Let me break that down for you:
Yeah we all agree on these things…. and yet we do them why?? Because I had a messed up childhood? Yeah THAT’S STUPID.
I agree that a distressed childhood could lead one to have a greater proclivity to falling into such things, but we still have a CHOICE.
But I’m just bringing that up for you to think about… there is a greater choice that brings freedom like you’ve never known before that I want to discuss.
Did you know that you literally have a choice in the way that you choose to view your parents. Yeah you do. You can hate them for what they never were, and what they never gave, and what they didn’t do… and you can let that be your excuse for being an idiot… or you can love them for who they are… and stop making excuses for your ridiculous behavior. Let me say that again.
You can choose to love your parents for who they are, instead of hating them for who they can never be.
Let me focus in here…. our parents are not God… we know that, but we still give them the seat of God… which sets them up for the most massive failure in the history of mankind. You know what I’m talking about… what is it for you? The moment when your parents broke your heart? It happens to everyone… take a second and think about it…………
They broke your heart because they are JUST LIKE YOU…. HUMAN. Freedom only comes when we put God in His rightful place…. the throne… (all knowing, all seeing, all powerful, and beyond imperfection) and allow our parents to be human and love them through it.
You may be saying “Jason, you just don’t know my parents and how awful they’ve treated me” and I’ll say you’re right I don’t. I’ve been wounded by my parents just like you have… wounds that I thought would never heal, but how is it fair for me to expect my parents to be GOD. To have all the answers, and say all the right things at the right times, to put up with me pushing their limits without ever losing their cool??? THEY WERE HUMAN and they did the best they could.
Maybe they didn’t understand that they had a choice to be or not to be a replication of their own parents. BUT YOU DO!!!
Here’s the truth as I see it:
When you finally start respecting and honoring your parents for who they are and stop hating them for who they are not, you will finally be free to decide if you’re going to repeat their parenting process. If you cannot bring yourself to accept that GOD is GOD and they were/are not, then you will repeat the process of chaos for the family that surrounds you now.
Sometimes life isn’t fair… I don’t want to diminish the hurt of those who have faced horrible things in their childhood and are completely scarred.. but I do want you to understand… that you do have the power… to repeat the offense and continue the chaos or to decide that you had the perfect example of who you will NEVER BE. Your hurt may be something far worse than I can even imagine, but remember the foundation of our faith is that Jesus took the penalty for all of humanity so that by grace we could be saved. He understands how bad it hurts… because you and I have hurt him just as badly…. His response was amazing and it brought freedom to the whole world. He had a choice and He chose to have mercy on us. We should remember this when we are looking at those who have hurt us so badly. Mercy is the only way to find freedom. The choice is yours… and when you begin to realize that your parents might have been a product of the hurt that they felt too, you will begin to find the strength to love the unloveable again.
I’ll finish with this: You’ve got one life… you’ve got one chance to know your parents, to love them, to cry with them, to learn from them and ultimately to be at peace with them. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET TO YOUR PARENTS LAST BREATH AND LEAVE THINGS UNSAID. Don’t miss it. Don’t spend 20 years mad about something that you can’t change. Decide to be different and love the unlovable as Christ did. That’s how we turn our lives around… that’s how we turn this country around…. we stop making excuses and start loving the way we know we should…. but please… life is too short. DON’T MISS THE BLESSING THAT YOUR PARENTS COULD BE NOW BECAUSE YOU’RE SO MAD ABOUT WHO THEY NEVER WERE.
Choose now to break the cycle.. and freedom will come. I promise. It did for me!