It’s a common thread in everyone’s life. We start out innocent, unaware of the good and the bad that we are capable of. Children who are so unafraid of consequence and unaware of reason that we will climb a house to the roof just to say we did it and then leap off as if superman to find that we aren’t. Our proverbial broken limbs and bloodied noses proving to us once again that we are and forever will be imperfect, and sometimes prone to doing really dumb things. It’s not like we always mean to screw things up, sometimes it’s as simple as saying the wrong thing at the wrong time just to find that someone is standing there ready to pounce at the opportunity to make you feel like an idiot. Thus our insecurity grows and grows until it makes us a people burdened by the memories and paralyzed by the fears of mistakes.
Basketball has always been my favorite sport by far, nothing makes me happier than watching a good Carolina/ Duke game or a great NBA finals. Something about the sight of a thunderous dunk or a great buzzer beater shot lights my fire… makes me want to go pull out my high-school jersey and head down to the local park to take on the world. That said, I was really serious about basketball in high-school my Junior and Senior years. It was my LIFE. I mean I lived and breathed for game day when the time would come for the few individuals on the basketball team to get up and leave class early while the rest of the students had to stay and listen to Mrs. Ferguson lecture on Biology. (I practically mocked them as I was walking out of the room) I lived to get on that bus and ride in a quiet anticipation of the game. To arrive at our rival’s gym (Texarkana’s Texas High) head to the locker room…. Put on the uniform, listen to our coaches game plan and then fly onto the court. I lived for the warm up music. Honestly I lived for it all. But I remember a time before that when I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the game… I had every Jordan video that ever came out, I studied it I practiced hard… nobody wanted to win more than me ever. But I was scared to death to shoot the ball. That’s right, I loved to handle it… loved to take the ball to the hole, but I hated to shoot the jumper and I hated to shoot the three… why??? Well I wasn’t very good at it. The problem was that I had a few people tell me that I wasn’t very good at it and that I probably should just remember that I would be a good point guard who ran the offense for the shooters.
So for about 2 years I just accepted it as truth… as unchangeable truth and I became a guy who was in the game… but not IN the game. By my sophomore year I started to notice something. When the ball came to me the guys guarding me would simply back off because they knew I didn’t want to shoot. Oh occasionally I would shoot, and if I made it I would shoot again, but the first time that I missed a jumper was the last time I would take a shot in that game. I managed to have a couple of high scoring games, but for the most part I was a non-factor. Suddenly the other team could double team as much as they wanted because I wasn’t a big enough threat. Because of that I started to spend more and more time on the bench. I was faced with a huge decision… keep doing the same thing and end up riding the bench for the rest of my days, or change.
One day my step-father said something that really opened up my eyes. He said “Jason even the pro’s miss 60 percent of the shots they take.” Of course I was 15 years old and I didn’t believe him, but then I decided to check out the stats… and do you know what?? He was right. With that knowledge I went to summer camp that year at Campbell Universty in Buies Creek, NC. They had a guest “shooting Coach” in that year who told us that if we really wanted to be great shooters we would have to “shoot 200 shots a day” for the rest of the summer and that if we did that we would be different players by the time basketball season came around… so you know what I did?? I shot 200 shots a day for the rest of the summer. I didn’t care if it was 100 degrees outside… every day I’d catch a ride to Roland-Grise Middle School and I’d fire away. My poor sister, God bless her beautiful soul was my rebounder and we worked our tails off. Guess what happened?? When I got back to Texas the next year I was a different player. In pre-season games people tried the whole “we’ll back off of him” trick only to have me drain shot after shot on them. My coach was excited, I was excited and for the first time I felt like I was really gonna kick some tail that year. The next season was a whole different world for me… and for my team. Suddenly if I was open the three ball was going up and I was going to hit quite a few. I flew back into the starting lineup and even noticed that our BIG scorers were getting open a lot easier and scoring a lot of points because the other team had to cover me… if not I was going to make them pay.
That was a long aside story, but isn’t it interesting how many of us are in the game, but not really IN the game. For some reason we are all extremely insecure people…maybe because we should be. After all God’s picture of who we were supposed to be was shattered long ago, and ever since the first time that Adam and Eve recognized their nakedness we have been a race plagued by insecurities because perfection is unattainable. So now that we’ve stated that… I want all of you big dogs out there who are reading this book to raise your hand and say this aloud “I AM INSECURE”. It’s ok, because if anyone dares to ask you what your problem is you can honestly say “my problem is the exact same problem that you have, but won’t admit.” So say it out loud… I AM INSECURE. Yes, you are insecure, about many things. That is a very normal admission, but the question is…. Have you been taken out of the game because of your insecurities??
What voices do you hear in the back of your head when you are about to step out on faith to follow the Lord’s calling on your life? Let me open up my heart and share with you some of the voices I hear… and maybe they will help you recognize all the untruths that you’ve accepted in your life.
Jason, your voice is worn out and if you don’t slow down all this touring and singing so hard, your gonna lose it completely… you better cancel tonight’s show.
Jason, seriously man, do you really think that a guy from Mt. Pleasant, TX with no background in music should ever sing on the same stage as Skillet, the Newsboys, and SCC… come on man that’s stupid.
Jason, what are you gonna do if someone asks you a question that you don’t know the answer to?? You’ve got to have all the answers to be in a Christian rock band. You’re not good enough to do this.
Jason, your son is sitting at home wondering where you are right now… your daughter looks different every time you see her. You’re missing moments that you only get to live once. You’re gonna have to stop this soon. Are you a good dad??
Jason, you can’t write anything new under the sun… there’s nothing left to be said that isn’t already being said by more eloquent people than you’ll ever be. Just admit it, you can’t write songs.
Jason, your tired tonight, and it’s understandable… your voice is shaky and you haven’t even hit the stage yet… and brother, worst of all you’ve got nothing to say. Just go up there and play your little songs and don’t talk… just play the songs and get off the stage, we don’t need any more talk about Jesus at this festival.
Jason, no matter what you say in the media you will always have people who say you’re wrong and that you’re an idiot… so just be quiet.
These are some of the voices I hear as I wait in the wings of every stage that I take or get ready for an important interview with a large media outlet. Sometimes admittedly I am extremely confident, but many days I have these thoughts run through my mind… and lets be honest, those thoughts are enough to paralyze me. They are… if I accept these thoughts as truth then I’m done… cruise control comes on and I become a bystander in my own life. Kind of reminds me of what it would be like to live out the MATRIX. Accepted as reality, these thought processes would change not only my history, but the history of those who come to Building429 shows. How do I not accept those as truth??? Because I know something, a secret that Satan would do anything to keep you from knowing.
“Your life is a series of attacks from the evil one who knows how powerful you can be, and fears you”.
That’s right he fears you. I’ll say it again… even Satan knows how powerful you could be… and fears You. What power does satan have in your life… he comes to “steal kill and destroy” and one of the best ways that he knows to keep you out of God’s will for your life is to keep you in the game as a secondary player, and off of the front lines where you can really hurt him. You know what I’m saying… he desires to have you become the “yes” man so that you’ll feel good about what your doing for the “kingdom” while never truly doing anything that will have a lasting impact. He knows that if you are a passive person who is afraid to truly dive fully into the mission then you are a non-factor and you can’t hurt his divisive plans for this earth. Satan loves to see you living comfortably, in fact that is his biggest mission… to make you comfortable. Which begs the question, are you living a comfy life? Do you have everything mapped out in front of yourself the way you want it?? Are you passed those bygone years of taking risks and doing crazy things? If you are, I’ll submit to you that you might not be where the Lord wants you to be. In my brief life I’ve found that the moments when you find yourself attempting to do something outside the box are the moments when God begins to stretch and build your character.
So check this out: Are you a card carrying member of the monster Church in your town where the programs are the same every year, yielding the same results every year, which is just enough to keep everyone from the elders to the deacons happy and the the tithers tithing?? Hmmmmm. Is your church living inside the boat where in fear of the stormy waters that Jesus is walking on?? Are you living inside the boat in fear of the stormy waters that Jesus is calling you to walk on?? Just some questions to ponder.
Let me share with you what I think God would like to do with your insecurities. I think God would like to use your insecurities as a basis for powerful Godly relationships. That’s right I think that the one thing you hide from every person you meet, could well be the one thing that takes your relationships to a new level beyond that which you have attained on your own. Why?? I believe that God, in His infinite power had a backup plan for the day after Adam and Eve sinned against Him. I believe that our God is so powerful that even our biggest mistakes/misconceptions/miscues are still redeemable for his purposes and plans. So you have a hard time speaking because you stutter. That is your humanity, but your God would have you lead millions of people to the promised land just like a man named Moses who stuttered as well. Maybe you’ve got a past that allows satan to tell you “You’re not good enough, don’t forget what you used to be”. Hey guess what, you’ve got a God who knows who you ARE, and doesn’t see who you WERE. We’re talking about the same God who chose Paul, the persecuter and murderer of Christians, to become the most influential man since Jesus.
I believe that God would have us as His church to be in a communion so deep that our darkest secrets and most intimate insecurities would be on display for all to see. Why?? Just for everyone to see them?? NO. So that you and I would have a multitude of people who constantly lift us up when the voices start ringing in our heads. So that you and I would understand what it means to be in deep committed relationships powered by the love, grace, and mercy of our God. I believe that God showed us through His son Jesus, what it looks like to be in deep and meaningful friendships that empower us to live out our mission with God and face the fears that rob us of action. Notice, Jesus had 12 disciples in whom he confided in and trusted deeply. He had 12 of His closest friends by his side almost constantly… by his side in prayer, by his side in speech, and by his side in action. Jesus’ relationship with his disciples was one that was a constant growing pain… One second they were wild and crazy and prone to angry outbursts. The next they were humble servants. One second they were strong and confident in the face of danger, the next they were denying their savior… because they like you and I battled insecurities and fears. Isn’t that great news??? That even thought we are a mess most of the time… so were they!! Man I’m glad I’m not alone! You aren’t either.
Today I challenge you to recognize the voices in your head and the fears that come with them as the things of Satan. “the Lord has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, and joy, and peace, and sound mind”. Today I challenge you to remember that everything you have, and everything you could gain still pales in comparison to know the Lord Jesus. Today I challenge you to begin the search for Godly men/women who would become your inner circle of brothers who would walk with you in recognition of your fears, and insecurities. Today I tell you again that you were born to do great and powerful things in the name of Jesus Christ. No matter where you’ve been, where you’ve come from, or the severity of the sin in your life, I want you to know that you are called to throw off all of those things in your past to strive toward the Goal for which Christ has called you heavenward. No matter what stands in your way, I want you to remember a boy who killed a giant, a murdered who led multitudes to the Lord, a man who could speak that lead a nation of believers out of bondage, and that God incarnate in Jesus Christ chose insecure, messed up, fearful dudes to walk with, teach, and ultimately toe You too, are called heavenward. You too, are born to lead.
So I’ll end with this statement again.
“Your life is a series of attacks from the evil one who knows how powerful you can be, and fears you”.
What does that thought mean to you?
Jason,
Only 6 words for now…WOW, I needed this…THANK YOU!!!
–Felicia
Wow Thank you I really needed to hear that
I experienced that very thing this morning before I led a solo at church today. The devil tried to make me think that I was inadequate and made me shake in my vans. But I began to focus on the fact that someone needed to hear the words that I was singing and that I needed to be about His work and not my fears. God blessed me through it. Satan also attacks me on my guitar playing. Usually even thouh I practice and prepare I usually always make a mistake, but I’ve determined that its God’s way of keeping me humble and depending on Him and not my gift. For me, being a willing vessel to all that He has called me to do far outweighs my fears. Hallelujah!
It’s always when God is going to use you to do something that is spectacular for His kingdom that your insecurities become the most glaring. Proud of you today!
Love this
There’s no coincidence here that I’m reading these words today. I’m still wearing chains from my past and couldn’t truly recognize their presence until you said all this, so thank you.
I AM INSECURE. In the extreme. People dote on me for being such an amazing person, a good example, mature-for-my-age, pretty, kind, godly, talented, the list goes on…yet sadly, but truthfully, I’ve never thought very highly of myself. I find it hard to love/forgive myself. Most of the time I feel like I get in people’s way, on their nerves, and cause problems everywhere I go! I know why that is. I had a fairly jacked up childhood, and verbal abuse eventually wrecked me. But most of all, the devil pushed into my thoughts and I ended up falling for his tricks again and again. Still happens today.
I forget so often that the devil is afraid of me, and that God has given me more power than I realize!
You’ve encouraged me to keep fighting for freedom. Thanks again, Jason. Love you, bro. You are not fighting alone.
Thank you for allowing God to use you today! I had the privilege of teaching our girls at youth a week ago. We’d challenged them a week prior to evaluate their lives and seek what God wanted to strengthen in them. I also took this challenge and shared with the girls that I have been allowing fear to rule my life. My lack of courage to do the things I know how to do and know will get me to where God wants me to be, I allow myself to avoid because I’m afraid of what someone else will think if me… I have been trying to work on it and still talking myself into saying “it’s ok, someone else will take care of it I I don’t …” But what if they don’t?
Thank you for putting it out there in a different light for me to glimpse… I always look forward to what you have to say from stage and I will be praying for your words to be His words every time – there is always someone who needs to hear what God has placed on your heart
I was browsing Youtube just last night looking for some Christian songs of encouragement. I noted a number of videos attacking Contemporary Christian Music and various forms of Christian Rock music. I thought to myself that the people who are afraid of this kind of music and the Good that it is doing for not only young people, but also older people must be very insecure in their own faith. Then I thought about my own insecurities as well. I have many as I sit here and think about it. Every once in a while I will run across something like this that you have just written and it stirs something deep inside of me. It was not until recently that I realized that the thing that was being stirred with in me was the Holy Spirit. And I believe that the Holy Spirit is wanting me to do just exactly what you are saying…TAKE ACTION. I’m not real sure how to do that yet but wish to try and take up your challenge to do so. Not just your challenge mind you, but the HOLY SPIRITS challenge as well. Please pray for me. I am 56 years old and am feeling much to comfy these days. I am not much threat to Satan as I am. SO he has backed off of me. I think I need to know he is in my face, to know God is by my side. And then I hope God will be gracious enough to help me handle all that I need to handle. Thanks so much for your encouragement.
Dano
Love your thoughts Dan. Be in the fight brother!
those words are powerful! i think everybody needs to be confronted with the truth of this – especially our middle and high school students. Learning that you don’t have to be perfect, and to just be real with who you are and where you need help – that’s KEY in becoming a bold and fearless leader for Christ.
After hearing the “we wont be shaken” cd and then hearing your heart behind it – it has challenged me and took the smoldering little fire in my soul and turned it into a bonfire. the words you’ve spoken at concerts about living as redeemed children of God and not as who we were – not letting who we were define us… living as paul and not saul.. that was HUGE. so simple, but something that my heart just needed to hear in a new way to grasp.
thanks for being bold – and leading – and saying what satan doesn’t want anyone to hear! bring it on, brother, you’re doing great things!!!
Jason,
Thank you for writing this blog, it is exactly what I needed to hear. I have struggled with insecurity for most of my life. I am not a born leader, I am a supervisor at my job. I have my moments when I feel I am not doing a good job. I know I need to listen more to what the Lord thinks of me. My real dream is to work with Christian music, I would love to interview the artists. I love to sing, my dream is to record a worship CD one day. The Lord told me that I am supposed to sing for Him. I have been put down about my dreams. Growing up I would dream about guys talking to me, I have had the honor of meeting you three times. The four of you have made me feel very special. Thank you for being honest with us about your life. I will be coming to Nashville next month for one week. This will be a dream trip for me, this will be my third time going there. I hope to see you guys again one day. God bless you and your family.
God has also placed a dream in my heart to sing! Never thought it would happen–if you asked me 3 years ago, I’d tell you I wasn’t big on worship music or singing, but today everything is different. After quite a journey, I just joined the worship team at my church a few weeks ago! I know there is far to go and much to learn and understand still, but it’s amazing how he’s worked in my life.
I have no doubt in my heart that he will work powerfully in your life as well. I know for me it was hard to see how things would ever turn out, but even when I say “it can’t happen”, he’s proven me wrong every time. If he calls us to do something, he will surely see us through!
Many blessings to you.
“I AM INSECURE”
Really loved it Jason. Been dealing with insecurities myself lately.
Im insecure about a lot of things. Im so afraid i wont ever find a wife. Im afraid there isnt anybody out there for me.
Im insecure about what im called to do. I have stage-fright, and i know im called to be a Preacher. Im afraid i wont have the words to say, what people will think of me, and that ill fail.
your blog really is encouraging, and God is using it to start breaking them down 🙂 thanks jason!
Ill be at the United We Stand Tour, on October 26th. got the vip ticket!
Till then thanks for everything 🙂
TG
“I AM INSECURE”
Really loved it Jason. Been dealing with insecurities myself lately.
Im insecure about a lot of things. Im so afraid i wont ever find a wife. Im afraid there isnt anybody out there for me.
Im insecure about what im called to do. I have stage-fright, and i know im called to be a Preacher. Im afraid i wont have the words to say, what people will think of me, and that ill fail.
your blog really is encouraging, and God is using it to start breaking them down 🙂 thanks jason!
Ill be at the United We Stand Tour, on October 26th. got the vip ticket!
Till then thanks for everything 🙂
TG
YES!!
This is such a theme in my own life right now…
If we don’t share the ugly, we can’t share the beautiful!
Keep sharing truth and keeping it real!
Jenni
I’m just in awe at the timing of this. Right now I am in just about the worst situation of my life (and that’s saying a lot), mainly because all my life I have accepted what other people have thought of me or expected from me, and have felt inadequate to try to prove them wrong, so I settle. I settle and I give in and I wait my turn and I’m patient and I don’t make waves, because I’ve been told so many times that my ideas are no good, that I was only put on this earth for someone else’s convenience; that I had no purpose apart from that, and that my dreams were my own, not of God, and so they were a waste of time and not worth striving for. And when I did try, and fail, there have always been those who have been a little too quick to point out that I shouldn’t have tried in the first place; I was stepping outside my boundaries and had no skill for that sort of thing anyway. Even now, writing this, I’m thinking, “What are you doing? No one wants to hear this.” But somewhere buried among all that, there has always been a stubborn little voice that tells me that none of that is true. It’s never been very loud, but after reading what you wrote, it’s fairly screaming now. 🙂 What’s so cool is that you put into words so perfectly what God has been starting to show me lately, which is why I’m so in awe of the timing.
So thank you, Jason; you’ve given me a lot to think about. I need to read this every day.
Hey Tina,
It sounds like you’re surrounded by a lot of non-friends. People who say they are, but really aren’t worried with your well being. Sometimes that’s hard if it’s people in your family… but don’t think you’re alone. When I started B429 it came at a HUGE price. I was kicked out of my house and told that I wouldn’t have my families support if I didn’t quit my stupid christian band. TRUE STORY. I just have to tell you that one of the greatest gifts of my life was the moment that I stepped out on my own and decided to whole heartedly follow the Lords calling on my life. It was risky and I was SCARED TO DEATH. Now years later I have a rule in my life: If you cause drama, and if you are a dream killer, or an extremely negative person… you don’t get a place at the table of wisdom in my life. I have Godly people who are open and honest with me and hold me accountable, but they are people who help me spread my wings, not people who tell me to fold them. Be encouraged…. God has a purpose for you and your creative spirit. Make bold, wise choices… and know that even if they don’t understand now… they will someday when they see a life that points to the Lord.
Awesome Blog, and it’s about something everyone struggles with, Insecurity. I know I struggle with it. There have been so many times I could have said something that could have helped someone get to know God, but because of insecurity I have decided not to say anything. I am usually a very quiet person, I usually only talk to people who talk to me first, unless I already know them, which makes it even harder to speak the truth. I really need to work on not allowing my insecurity to get in the way, it’s definatly, if not one of my biggest problems. God Bless! <
I will say of you, the same thing I have often said of Steven Curtis Chapman. I love to hear you speak (or type) as much as I love to hear you sing. You have tremendous musical talent which I have seen inspire my kids to play great music at a young age and which has encouraged me a great deal. Time and time again, I also hear your words speak right to their hearts and mine. Your openness if priceless. So many people are not real. Most are out there pretending to be what they think they should be and don’t let themselves be known. Being real with your struggles can be such a great gift to others. Makes people not feel so alone and helps them to ignore all those negative messages you speak of. Just keep listening to God. He is the only one that is real all the time and the only one that can really lead you to the right place. Thank you to you and your family for all you have given. It has made an immense difference in our lives. We pray for all of you whenever we hear your music which is daily in this house. I am still haunted by a message you posted probably more than a year ago about worship leaders not being rock stars. It is priceless. I shared it frequently but can’t locate it on FB anymore. Hoping you will share it again because it is such a great message! Have more people I need to share it with. Praying God’s voice will get louder and all the others will fade. Many Blessings 🙂
Thank you Nancy… I’ll look up that post on facebook and see if I can repost it here. Thanks for the prayers… they are coveted.
I heard this a.m. that God always puts someone or something in your path to get your attention. Your words and music inspire me more that I can put in words. Insecurity runs my life; I have always said that I am a worker bee, not a leader. It seems that every time I take a step forward something happens to send me running back to my comfort zone. I was told once that I look for opportunities to be a victim; I am not a victim, I AM INSECURE. I recognize that this causes me to be standoffish and/or abrasive. I told someone once that my biggest dream is to walk into a room and not feel that everyone there is better than me. Maybe if I read this blog 200 times a day, changes may happen. It’s worth a try. God bless you
Your candor here is awesome. Now imagine how I feel sometimes when I walk into a room full of: Mark Hall, Mac Powell, John Cooper, Steven Curtis, Michael Tait, Etc, etc. It’s so easy for all of us to get wrapped up in who we think a person is…. it’s often helpful for me when I have to sing or play in a circle with guys like this that I remember that God is prone to use the least. I really do believe that if we are so full of the spirit that the fears of the flesh fall away. In my walk that has been a constant struggle. Even this weekend I’ll be doing a writers in the round session at Disney with Steven Curtis, Mike Donehey (Tenth Ave.) and a bunch of other unbelievable artists. I will choose to cave in to what Satan is whispering or fall into the calling that Lord has laid over my life. I’ll be praying for you! Just know you’re not alone and you can overcome!
There are many battles we fought in our minds every day … But we can never forget that we use the most powerful weapon that God has given us: His Word!
Can I be ADD for a minute? I was probably in summer school while you were at basketball camp. You know that white 88 Grand Am waiting impatiently for all you punks to cross the street? Yeah, that was me. Ya’ll could have crossed a little faster, ya know! Hahahahaha!
Great post as always, there are only 26 letters in the alphabet, but somehow you sure can string ’em together! I often struggle with those voices, some of the same lies, some different. As a homeschool mom, mine are often about how I am messing up my kids or how I responded in a situation. Sometimes I get down about being “just a stay at home mom” like that is a negative thing or something. Anyway, Satan sure does know how to hit us where it hurts! Thanks for being honest, and hope to see you all in the NEAR future!
I adore your authenticity. I appreciate your candor and identify with the struggle of many insecurities. I find myself desperately trying not to pass those insecurities on to my five-year old son and end up feeling like a failure when I am not successful in that. But, God teaches me so much through my son and as much as I love him, God loves him even more. When I see my son singing and worshiping with all his little heart, I realize how how silly it is for me to feel insecure about sharing my faith. He lives and worships “out loud” in spite of the adversity he’s dealt with at such a young age. When he prays out loud in complete thankfulness and asks God to heal my husband, father in law and my mom from cancer, I learn not to sit there afraid of praying out loud or stumbling over my words aloud in prayer. When you knelt down and put those glasses on my son in the front row of your concert at Rock the Park in Ohio, he was “totally amazed” but also told me how thankful he was that God gave you a voice to sing on stage and on our radio so we all could sing along with you in worshiping one God with many voices. All of a sudden, my lack of singing ability and that insecurity of people actually hearing my tone-deaf self, all became obsolete. Now, I am singing “out loud” right along with him…thanks to you. You have a gift and thank you for being a light for Jesus where ever you go.
That’s such a powerful testimony to me even now. Most will never know how I was feeling that very day at Rock the Park. Struggling to fight off a horrible sinus infection, doubting my ability to do what I was meant to do, and then walking out to the end of the catwalk to see a kid having the time of his life. I could’ve missed it all… and my fight, and my willingness to step out in faith and in confidence that night inspired yours and your sons??? That is GOD SIZED. Thank you for your response, and tell your little man that I said hello!
Jroy
This reminds me of what I saw you do in Victorville, CA in May of this year! After you and all the guys wished me a very Happy Birthday as if I was part of your family!I will never forget that by the way! You gave a shout out from the stage to a little boy who came up from San Diego to see you.I took a picture of the look on his precious face!He will never forget that his hero called his name from the stage!And when he plays his guitar for Jesus…
Jason,
Ok so I’ve read this again and let it sink in a little bit. I needed hear this more than you know! It is sparking something in me that needs lit! I have been so insecure about so many areas in my life. Worked through & defeated some and some still fighting! Lately I’ve been listening to these voices in my head:
Why would I be good enough to promote bands?
Why try this event, you don’t have a clue on how to pull this off?
You will never be good or strong enough to make it in the music/promoter/management business, so quit now!
Don’t apply for that job in Nashville, you’re never going to be able to do it.
Why don’t you just stay in your safety/comfort zone and forget about what you feel called to do. Give up on those dreams.
Why even say that, you’re just going to sound stupid and no one cares anyway.
Why in the world do you think you could be friends with so and so? You’re not good enough. They’re just being nice to you.
Sorry so many random thoughts…
But why am I not good enough? Who decides how well I do things? I DO…or I need to start making those decisions anyway. Satan is such a good liar and is trying to make me believe that I’m not worthy. You know as well as I do that I am very passionate about promoting and supporting this ministry. It’s where my heart is. Don’t get me wrong I love teaching, but over the past year or so God has been stirring up my heart and he is moving in a mighty way. I’ve been so scared to finally step out and say ok God, Im yours, lets do this…why? because Im afraid to fail! It hit me like a ton of bricks at our show in April. Gabe really opened my eyes during one of our many chats that day! Maybe I can do this!! Then he asked me the big question…”what would you attempt if you weren’t afraid to fail?” “sometimes God is waiting for you to step out! And he was exactly right! I was so afraid something would go wrong or that it wouldn’t be good enough for everyone, or my volunteers would flake, etc…, but you know what…it was AMAZING! I could not have asked for a better flowing day! I mean it seemed that way anyway! Maybe y’all thought differently. Lol! 😉
Ok, I know I’ve rambled on and on yet again and that’s just one of the areas I struggle with, but really Jason, thank you so much for sharing your heart…it has sparked something in me and brings so much encouragement. God is using you in so many ways and I’m so thankful he has crossed our families’ paths in this crazy thing called life! You, Cortni and the kiddies are dear to me and I pray for many blessings to y’all! You’re not alone! 🙂
I know God has a plan and I need to just trust in him…and I can do anything!!
Much love and blessings,
Felicia
Proud of you Felicia… and for real… we still talk about how you were one of the top 10 promoters of our career. Go do it!
Jason
Girl, you will be amazing!!You go for it and please know I will be praying for you! Need a second to gather my thoughts or my comment will be even longer than yours! Maria
Thanks Maria! I appreciate your prayers. 🙂
Oh wow thank you for posting this! I am an awfully insecure, shy person. Even more so now that I just started college I’m afraid. It’s entirely a different world and it’s gonna be a good while until I get used to it all. I still do not see the good in me staying and not going to my dream college, but God knows why things turned out the way they did. Many times in campus I feel so small and insignificant. But as you said they are just attacks from the evil one. Boy is he a cunning one. I never looked at it this way before but it is so very true! I still do not know what His plans are for me, but whatever it is I’m sure its for His glory! Again, thank you for posting this! It was heart wrenching as refreshing for my withered soul right now! :’)
God bless you Jason! God has used you powerfully in my life yet again!I am insecure in so many ways!Lately I am reminded that no man has ever loved me!I am not worth it! But Jesus says I am worth leaving heaven and dying a horible death for!That I am His beloved and nothing can change that!This amazing blog reminds me that Satan is trying to distract me again!The Lord is using my weakness to build an very unsual ministry for me. I am alone so I can do what He is calling me to do. He wants to reveal more right now so let me end with what I told my best friend to tell his bipolar daughter!That she is precious, loved and perfect just as God made her right now! She will do great things for God that only she can do!Oh yeah I was bipolar for 18 years until healed by the power of The Holy Spirit!Like I said God has a unique ministry for me!
As a child I really didn’t have struggles with insecurities.. I was told things would be hard, but I didn’t care.. I wanted to do it anyways.. it wasn’t until junior high/high school that things began to change.. for whatever reason things just started to sink it.. I started believing other people were right…and to make things worse I wasn’t getting any real support at home.. I honestly believed that I wasn’t cute to anyone (didn’t get a date until after I graduated high school), had zero talents (couldn’t sing,draw,write amazing stories,my dance skills were mediocre,etc, and my only happy place was working with kids. I did things only because I enjoyed them and hated sitting still.
Fast forward 15yrs (and some REALLY bad relationships)later.. My dad had just passed away a few years before, I was responsible for my entire family, and had zero life of my own.. Every single insecurity I had ever had in my life weighed on me to the point of crying myself to sleep every night because I was darn sure that was all my life was meant to be and nothing more. I was mad at God for leaving me in that pit and honestly saw no way out of it. I was a mess.
April 2011 things changed. God threw someone into my world, through twitter alone, that finally started to crack that horrible mind set. It took another 2yrs and 2mos for God to really deliver a 180. He threw my now fiance into my life. My insecurities are still not gone completely, but my fiance daily reminds me of who I am in God and that what I believe about myself isn’t true.
This statement, “Your life is a series of attacks from the evil one who knows how powerful you can be, and fears you,” is actually a game changer I needed to hear right now.. I’ve always been a “it is what it is” kinda person. That all the rough spots and up-n-downs in my life were just to be dealt with and I got a raw deal. It just makes me wonder, if I can actually let go of my insecurities, how powerful could I really be?? Right now I’m a no one.. Maybe one day I can let go enough to be a someone..
Thank you Jason for posts like this.. little kicks and reminders to live as who God says I am, not who my mind says I am (just wish it was easier.)
Wow BriAnne… thats some powerful stuff. I love what you said about your fiancé… he reminds you who you are in Christ!! That’s the kind of friends and family that we need to keep close. I say this a lot… a true friend doesn’t accept you for who you are, they remind you of who you are called to be in Christ! Oh and by the way… that happy place working with kids might be IT. In the closing moments of my life when I’m breathing my last breaths, and I know that my time has come… I assure you I won’t be thinking about the “Someone” I was… I’ll be thinking of my children, my wife and all the joy in my heart because of them. Don’t miss it… Dancing, Singing, Drawing, Writing…. none of that is as important as the children that we are raising… and the legacy that we are leaving. Even if you don’t have kids… love the ones you know… for they may be your greatest calling???
Much Love,
Jroy
Thank you Jason for this. It is a definite / must read by all. God has given you a gift to speak and I pray you continue.
I grew up way different. I never had a date or kissed a girl till last year when I was 36 years old. By the way we are getting married in February 15, 2014 and we have met a few time, it just shows God works in mysterious ways. I always thought I needed a woman in my life or friends to be complete. I never really had many because of how I grew up. Honestly God gave me a blessing in a brain tumor to show how powerful He is and how temporary things are on this earth. For the longest time I knew I was different but never knew why. People actually had called me gay before because I never wanted anything or oogled women. I found out after I took a blood test when I was 20 years old that I had a pituitary prolactinoma, in essence it’s just a brain tumor but it messed my whole life growing up. I mean I had the so called gf when I was about 10 or 11 that my sister really liked the little sis of her bf and she thought we would be cute together but we never even saw each other or really went to the same church. I think I had all of one conversation with her. But this tumor is something that steals hormones and also adds some. It takes away testosterone, cortisol and thyroid which now can be replaced by drugs, but like I said I never knew about it. But cortisol and thyroid give people the ability to move around more, to have energy and to low of cortisol can kill you. When I got some MRI’s after they found this in a blood test, they found out it had engulfed the whole thing and it was gone. We, meaning my parents and I, went to find the best doctors and they kept telling me this was not gonna do anything to hurt me, so I thought I had time. So we didn’t even have surgery scheduled but it ended up breaking through my sinus cavity and causing some really hinky stuff to happen, so they moved me to the top of the list. Right after the first surgery, my parents kept assuring me, that I was gonna be ok. Well what I didn’t know yet is they clipped my carotid artery and some optic nerves which would put me in pain for the last 17 years. Although they told me going in, I had a five percent chance of dying sometimes I really wonder which one is worse. So all they did was something called debulking and they had to go in two years later to do some more, but for some reason the pain was not subsiding. Unfortunately throughout the last seventeen years I have probably given my life to Jesus more times than I can count, but I know what it’s like to have that voice inside my head, telling me things, my so called friends, sister or family has told me about my up and coming nuptials. I don’t make enough money, I am on disability… I don’t even know if I can give my soon to be wife a child and I know she wants one really badly. God has given me so many chances that all I can do is look forward now, and say, God’s not done with me yet. Altogether after the first surgery, I have been through four brain surgeries about two issues and two of them were botched… After they got me on all the drugs and stuff the inhibitions sort of went out the window. I was an addict for many years, and after my family lost the house I grew up over twenty years of my life, we ended up moving into a small mobile home. I was tired of the same old same old day to day junk, so the day we moved here I finally gave my life to Christ for hopefully the last time. I don’t even think I could count how many times, I thought I gave my life to Christ and this is the first time I am sure. God has been giving me a peace and although I somehow got through most of my schools without even cracking a book, God is giving me this thirst for His word. Some of those insecurities are leaving, but I can’t say I still don’t have some worries. It was so awesome to see God work, to show me I can actually read and sometimes understand, even with all the mess ups in my brain. I am usually in the hospital at least once a year, for some reason my body can not fight off infections like a normal person, but in a little more than five months, I get to vow to the most beautiful woman of my dreams, that I love her. God still has me under construction, but for now, I know where I’m headed when I die, and thankfully I know where my wife is headed also. And I will do my best to raise her up, be a servant to her, and guide her in the ways it tells me to in Gods word. She knows my past and my addiction, and she accepts me all the way. She has never judged me and I thank God for that. Well, it’s way past my bedtime, and thank you so much for you beautiful lyrics that God gives you to me this is not “Where I belong”. She and I were blessed enough to see you with We are Campbell and The Newsboys in February. I know this is sort of selfish, but God has given me a gift to be able to work well on computer graphic software. Can you please check out my page I made, with the gifts God has given me of course. It’s the one thing I feel alive doing, and can’t wait for one day to be off these pain killers and do it for a living or just for a church for free, but please check out my Christian Illustrations on http://soldawg.webs.com/apps/photos/ I would really appreciate the input. Thanks again and know that you are making a difference especially with just small things like this. God bless you, your family and the band. For the sacrifices you make to keep us all praising the Lord in new ways and I do believe I get to see you at Winter Jam in Nov. at Ontario, CA. One last thank you for putting out something other people wouldn’t like its taboo or something. Enjoy your week.
Paul Johnson
Paul I’ll look forward to our meeting in Ontario!! Thank you for your transparency bro… it takes guts to post all of that, and obviously God is doing an amazing work in your life!! Keep your eyes on Jesus man and I’ll see you soon!
JRoy
Jason, this Paul, is my fiance… See you in Ontario..
Jason,
Thanks for your transparency, it’s always a good reminder that our God has a plan for us and it is for good. So Satan wants to keep us from accomplishing it by any means necessary. He uses our past to swell our insecurities to try and make us stumble. But Jesus has made us new. The beauty of who we are now in Christ, is in the journey/the transformation, from who we were. Similar to seeing a precious gem before it’s cut makes it that much more beautiful once the work is done. It is important for us as believers to share both the ugly and the beautiful so others can see just what the real beauty is. I know the feelings of insecurity after getting laid off from my job in July, my wife and I both felt God calling me to start a ministry. Now I’m starting AdventureDads.com helping dads build a legacy with their children through adventure. On a different note my family saw you all at Riverfest not to long ago and B.429 has become their favorite band, my 8 & 10 yr olds sing your songs even when they’re not playing on the stereo.:-) Love your gift of music, see you all at Winterfest Portland. God Bless!
Wow… your website seems incredible… I’m definitely going to check it out. Thanks so much for the commentary and I can’t wait to check out your thoughts on adventures with our children!
Thank you so much. This is something I struggle with too much. I’m not good enough because….I shouldn’t do this because….Unfortunately I give in to those fears a lot.
Thank you again for reminding me how great our God is and what He can do!!
You are very welcome!! Keep your chin up!!
Jroy
WOW! I cried as I read your comments. You touched on so much of my feelings and my heart. You are an incredible speaker and it is so obvious that God’s love comes through you as a speaker and teacher. My “concert church group” saw you for the first time last week at Barbour County Fair and we loved your show. You touched all of our hearts in so many ways. Thank you and bless you always. I am going to share your testimony with all of our kids. I know it will boost them to see your testimony about insecurities. They look up to you so much. Imagine someone like you being insecure, they can do anything and will help with me pushing them to get out of their comfort zones, my favorite saying! YOU ARE LOVED! Thank you…..til we see you next time! =)
HI JASON:-) YOU JUST DESCRIBED MY LIFE RIGHT HERE IN THE PAGE! I KNOW THE ENEMY HAS STOLEN SO MANY YEARS GFROM ME HERE IN CHRISTIANITY! I ALWAYS KNEW. INSIDE ME GOD HAS SOMETHING MORE! I JUST NEVER KNEW HOW TO GET THERE! I HAVE BEEN UNDER AFEW PASTORS WIVES & LEADERS THAT REALLY NEVER TOOK ME UNDER THEIR WING BECAUSE OF JEALIOUSY! GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW HE HAS PULLED ME THROUGH:-) GOD’S KEEPING POWER:-) I LOVE TO SING! THINGS WILL GET BETTER! THANK YOU SO MUCH BLESSINGS!
ugg… reading this brings up so many “hidden” emotions that I have…I was just hired on part-time at my church as the assistant youth pastor and now more than ever my “hidden” insecurity is at the forefront, my weight. I wouldn’t consider my self obese by any means but def over weight… I beat myself down a lot because I know that with diet and exercise I could change it but I fail even before I start because of Satan’s lies…even as I write I look at myself and am disgusted. I have an amazing husband who lifts me up everyday but I need to be the one to lift myself up. Thanks for your post, be good and I hope to bring you all coffee again soon! Blessings.
I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I just recently joined my church’s worship band. This past year, God has been leading me through many new open doors that I didn’t even know were possible. I’ve come to understand that he’s called me to be a worship leader.
WHAT?? At first I was like “no way, God. Not with my voice!” and like a speeding train came all the “what ifs” and the “you’re not good enoughs”.
In spite of my insecurities, as difficult as it was, I pressed on. Trust and faith was all I had, even though I didn’t know for sure what would happen. It was then that things just started falling into place. I found the perfect voice teacher (a woman who used to lead worship at my church) and just a month later, my church decided to have a talent show for the Sr. High Youth. At first I wasn’t going to perform. I didn’t think I was ready, but my teacher encouraged me to go for it–just 2 weeks beforehand. So I decided to go for it.
Hahaha…I remember the day of, sitting at the back of the room with my voice teacher and 2 very good friends/mentors. I was so terrified, I chose to be the last to perform. When my turn came, my heart was racing and my legs were shaking a little, but I put a smile on my face and reminded myself “just sing to the Lord”. So I did. I took the mic, closed my eyes, and then went for it. It wasn’t perfect…I messed up a few times…but when I was done the response was incredible. Two grown men admitted they had gotten a little teary, and I was bombarded with praise and admiration. It was very humbling. A bit uncomfortable though. Hahaha! It was all I could do but say “I was just singing to the Lord” and “thank you”!
That experience was a crystal clear “yes” that music/singing was something I truly wanted to pursue. I am passionate about singing. I was still uncertain…but I made up my mind that for God, I would go all-in. So a few weeks ago, I signed up for the worship band, had my audition, and was accepted. My first time singing with the worship team will be the 11th, and I am more than excited for what God has in store!
See, lately I’ve been feeling a new wind in my sails…a time of change has come, and even though I’ve been facing many uncomfortable challenges, I’m up for the task as long as I know God is with me. There’s a long way to go, but I know God will use these newly-found talents for his glory.
I will again confess I am incredibly insecure…but GOD IS BIGGER THAN MY INSECURITIES.
I hope this story encourages someone today. 🙂 Sorry it’s so long! I just had it on my heart to tell.
Beautiful story Sophia! It encouraged me greatly. I have always wanted to sing but I sing flat!I know that Jesus loves my singing but I am afraid that He is the only one. When I told my spiriual little brother that, he asked when I was joining the choir? I repeated that Jesus loves my singing as he hears me sing all the time!But that no one else would! Still you got me thinking?? God bless you!
Yes! An incredible voice may impress the multitudes, but sincerity is more pleasing to God.
Again, God bless you Jason! You are such a catalyst!The Lord is calling me to lead my first Bible study. My Mom has agreed to do her first study with me!I love The Lord’s timimg and how he prepares us for what He is calling us to do. I am planning to go on my first overseas mission in Dec. Last year I was stopped by a hurricane. Lots of obstacles this year (including a very bad knee)but I will not be shaken!!You inspire me in more ways than you know!!
Thank you Jason for posting your blog. I get so much from it.
I too have insecurities which go all the way back to junior school. Constantly being told I’m no good, stupid and I’ll go nowhere in life have followed me for nearly 40 years. It’s taken a long time to forgive that teacher but now the Lord is leading me where He wants me to be.
I’m extremely shy and don’t have very good social skills but in the last 3 months I’ve stood up in front of a room full of strangers and delivered a six week health and wellbeing course. I know I couldn’t do that but with the Lords help I can do anything.
Im also going to be on meet and greet duty at my church and I feel quite ill when I think about doing it. But I know who will be standing next to me.
May God continue to bless you
I was playing Always on YouTube today. One of my students (13 year old boy) says, “Is that Building 429? They’re my favorite group.” I asked if he saw you at church; he said no he had seen you play at a festival (can’t remember where). Then, as I played We Won’t Be Shaken, I noticed another student singing along. How cool to see young people singing your music instead of the other junk that they’re exposed to. I love how God is working through you.
JRoy, in my past history I was addicted to meth and pot. 15 years ago God led me out of that life. I AM NOW HAPPILY married with 3 kids. Recently, God has been making it abundantly clear that I should speak to others about my experiences. I should also have included that I am a survivor of abuse. Can you give me some assistance or direction as I am scared to speak to others! I know that God is leading me in this direction and hope that you can provide some encouragement. Your sister in Christ..Rachel Morgan
I decided to look back at your last post jason after i got to talk to you for a minute at the United We stand Tour signing in Aurbandale. Was super cool my one of my favorite singers knew my name.
I look back at what i wrote in september, and see where I am now; and its amazing. I see how God has worked in my life, and helped me grow in faith, in trust, and in Hope. I see how Ive had more faith in my calling, being accepted to the colleges ive applied for ( both), and Im not even worried if thats really my calling; its where do you want me to go God? Its so cool. I just press on. Ive also learned to have hope in the one God has planned for me. Its amazing.
Loved the auburndale show. Cant wait for the next show! 😀 keep rocking and leading.
TG
This is awesome Jason! I really needed to read this. I was just looking over the bands facebook page and I came along this link to your blog. I love that the lead singer of my favorite band feels the same way that I do most of the time. You’re such an inspiration Jason. How you pour your heart on in your blog posts, your songs and your performances on stage, it makes me feel better that I know that you and the band can relate to your fans like this. Knowing that I’m not alone and that other people feel like this, makes me feel better. I hate how you have those thoughts that you talked about near the beginning before you go on to do your amazing shows. You don’t deserve to have those thoughts. But the way you come out and your intro (and the whole show) is full of energy, myself and the fans would never know. God bless you and the band 🙂